March 4, 2010
I remember the first 45 I bought. It was "Come and Get Your Love" by a group called Redbone. The man who wrote sang the song was Lolly Vegas. Little did I know how close we would become and how fantastic a human being he is. He was there for me when my parents passed and I cherish our friendship forever. Here he is with Redbone performing their number one hit on The Midnight Special, "Come and Get your Love:"
I went to see my brother Lolly Vegas yesterday at his home and brought him a cross that I put in his hand while he was sleeping, a palm from Our Lady of Grace Church, and a picture of Jesus that I put right in front of him. The doctors said he had 6 months to live and that was a couple of weeks ago. The doctors were wrong...
I lost my friend, manager, brother at 4 a.m. last night and it is only my faith that keeps me hanging on. I just got back from his house and consoled family members and went into Lolly's room where his spirit left. I looked at the new house he had just moved into a few months ago and the pool he never swam in, and asked myself why this had to happen.
And then I was told that the he passed with the cross I gave him in his hand... I then realized that maybe I was here on this earth to help him with his journey. I thanked God for the time we had together and for putting Lolly in my life for the past 11 years. So maybe after all is said and done, there is a reason for me being here and some kind of master plan that I just don't understand...
And although this pains me very much to write this, I know his spirit is free and that he is out of that broken body. It was only a few weeks ago when we said the Lord's Prayer together and I asked for Lolly's healing. I probably didn't want to realize how bad the cancer was and I am glad he didn't suffer. He passed in his sleep and woke up in heaven and that's how I'm able to say goodbye...
It's about 12:30 a.m and I went to Lolly's again tonight. I guess I just didn't want to be by myself. His estranged wife opened the door and we spoke. It was very surreal not seeing him there and blasting that TV of his. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted of Lolly's and I said no. He gave me everything while he was alive and I would not take one thing after he passed.
As I was leaving, she said, "You know, Lolly loved you very much and if you ever got married he said he was going to be your best man." As I put my hand on the doorknob to leave, I turned around and smiled and said, "Lolly always was my best man," then I got in the car and drove into the Hollywood Hills. I parked, got out, and looked down at the entire San Fernando Valley.
The lights were beautiful and gave me some peace for the moment. I jumped back in my car and drove past the studios and fancy restaurants we would always go to. I held back the tears and just focused on the good times we had. And after all these years I have finally learned two valuable lessons...
- I am a lot stronger than I thought. No matter how many times life kicks me in the face, I still get back up and brush myself off like I'm doing now. It's amazing how resilient we can be...
- I can't keep putting things off till tomorrow because tomorrow may never come... I have to finish this album and make the best out of the rest of my life.
March 11, 2010
Tonight, I was "Touched by an Angel"... This had to be a night I will never forget. What I thought was going to be one of the saddest nights of my life turned into one of the most beautiful. I say I was touched by an angel, because Della Reese was right next to me when I shared my stories about Lolly at his memorial service tonight.
The service was standing room only and there were many famous musicians there. They had a big screen TV and showed all of Lolly's Redbone TV appearances. The room was filled with so much laughter and love and when I got done telling my stories, I had the room in stitches. That's the way Lolly would have wanted it. Having people laugh and have fun rather than be sad and crying.
The chief of Lolly's tribe opened up the ceremony. He did an Indian chant and the tribesman were there chanting also. It was very intense. The room was filled with people of all races, creeds, and colors. I knew many of them and we all shared one thing in common: we lost someone we loved very much.
Della Reese led the ceremony and quoted scriptures from the Bible and put everyone's mind at ease. I was what people in the biz would call the "Comic Relief." I knew each and every person in that room was hurting as much as I was. I had things written down on paper but I forgot to bring the paper and now I had to fly by the seat of my pants...
So here I was with no microphone, standing in the middle of the aisle with Della Reese sitting 2 feet from me and saying so kindly, "Go on son, say what you have to say." There was no script, no teleprompter, and no one to cue me. I turned around and looked at Lolly and said to myself, "I'll let my heart do the talking. This is for you, brother..."
I spoke longer than anyone else and it seemed no one wanted me to stop telling the stories Lolly and I had together. From one story to the next, I felt like Jay Leno doing his opening monologue. Lolly was an extremely generous man. This is what I said about Lolly's generosity...
"As we were walking out of another fancy restaurant, Lolly flipped me a 20 dollar bill and said, 'Hey brother, give this to the doorman.' I said, 'Lolly, he didn't even open up the door for us.' He said, 'Fuck it, give him 10.' And I did..."
I had many people come up to me and thanking me for what I had done. Everyone was crying for the first 5 minutes and after that everyone was on their feet singing and dancing. This is what Lolly always wanted and he got it. We didn't celebrate Lolly's death, but his new beginning...
This had to be the most beautiful service I have ever been to. Lolly's mother was there and she is 96 years old. I went over to her and hugged her and thanked her for creating my big brother.
I faced one of my worst fears tonight and I can honestly say that because the room was filled with so much faith, love, and caring for one another, even Death had to take a backseat! If I ever doubted my faith, it was restored tonight because I felt God's presence. When they played this video, everyone sang along with this song. Now I know that Lolly is in Heaven and God is saying, "Come and get your love."
As I left the funeral home I realized the two things I wanted most were given to me. I asked Lolly if he and his brother Pat, who was the bass player of Redbone, would put their differences aside. I wanted Pat to go visit Lolly in the hospital and make ammends. They had not spoken to each other for years because of financial differences. Pat did come to the hospital and everything was forgiven and forgotten.
The second thing is that I asked the Lord not to let Lolly suffer through this stage 3 cancer. I asked him to either cure Lolly fast or take him home. The Lord answered my prayers because I was with Lolly the day he died and he passed in his sleep. So I can honestly say I'm doing fine and thank you for all the private emails and messages of support you guys have given me.
Oh, one last thing before I go... This is how I closed my eulogy for Lolly. I said, "If I could call Heaven right now and get Lolly on the phone he would probably say, 'Hey Steve, I'll call you back -- I'm jamming with Hendrix right now!'"
They say a picture says a thousand words. But if you read the text of these two pictures, no words need to be said...
To bring you up to the present, I'm working on composing more music for film, and I've rounded out my home studio equipment so that I can do most of my work here out of my home. As you read the stories below, you'll be able to understand the highs...
and the lows of my life...
as well as my undying love for Great Danes!
January 23, 2009
With 2008 behind us, I'd like to pay tribute to all of the people I've met and worked with who we lost over the past year.
- Forrest J. Ackerman
- Majel Barrett Roddenberry
- Bob May
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| "Uncle Forry" and Steve at the Ackermansion | Majel Barrett Roddenberry |
Steve with Bob May - the man who played the Robot in "Lost in Space"
I want to share a little something with you that happened to me last night, 1/22/09.
Although my Mom is in Heaven... My TV Mom was there for me tonight...
I went to Bob May's viewing tonight as I just wanted to say my final goodbye. "Lost in Space" was a big part of my childhood, and to become friends in real life for over 10 years with the man who played the robot was my pleasure.
After saying a few prayers and kneeling at the open casket I went to the back to sit down. I had tears in my eyes when all of a sudden this woman comes and sits right next to me and comforts me. She was sharing all her best memories with Bob and she put my mind at rest. After 15 minutes she said she had to go and it was really nice talking to me.
She didn't need to introduce herself to me as I already knew who she was. It was June Lockhart, my favorite TV Mom. She played Timmy's mom on "Lassie" but is best known as Maureen Robinson, the mother from "Lost in Space."
I told her she was my favorite TV mom and what a great actress she was. She gave me a big hug and a kiss and I told her I would always remember her act of kindness. So yes, life is very surreal because everything that you saw in June Lockhart on "Lost in Space" was real, because she is a very caring person and exactly like she is on TV.
It's the second day in a row it is raining here in SoCal and I am going to Bob's funeral service and graveside mass at 1 p.m. today. I expect the whole cast of "Lost in Space" to be there and I am sure there will be many stories to be told at the eulogy. From there we all to go to this very nice restaurant and celebrate his life.
I am glad I got to share this with all of you. These are the words to the song I wrote for him...
I have a publishing deal on the horizon and am very close to wrapping my book up about the highs and lows of my life growing up in a show biz family and dealing with my constant battle with depression. If you think you know me, guess again... as these are parts of my life that have never been told till now.
Here are just a few excerpts I would like to share with you all. Everything written below is copywritten and protected by my corporation, "Believe in Stephen Productions."
Let's go back to the very beginning! Here's Grandma's little Italian pride and joy!
Growing up...
My first kiss... Most people remember their first kiss.
Now I'm not talking a peck on the cheek from Grandmama but from the first person who kissed you right on the lips. Memories like that to most people are joyful and fill of bliss... I wish I could say that!
Ok, I am 13 years old and living in South Plainfield, New Jersey. I was invited to a party from a girl who I found out liked me very much. Her name was "Evon" and she was 14 and from what I remember, pretty nice-looking. So as the night of the party was ending (gee, it must have been at least 8 p.m.), she called me over and kissed me. This was my first kiss on the lips and it seemed really nice until...
She decided to stick her tongue in my mouth! Gross! What the hell is going on here? Here is a girl who is supposed to like me and now she is sticking her tongue at me and prying my teeth open like Dr. Schwartz doing a dental exam?
I totally freaked out and ran into her kitchen and grabbed some paper towels and wiped my tongue for at least a few minutes. If this is what kissing is all about than I want no part of it. She asked me what the problem was and I said, "Hey, I thought you liked me and here you are sticking your tongue at me while it's in my mouth! What the hell is your problem?"
Obviously, I never kissed her again. Or, for that matter, any girl for the next 2 years. It got around school what happened, and here I was the laughing stock once again. It looks like my short-lived romance was over before it began, and at this point I probably wouldn't have sex till I was at least 32. And then I went to a party with my Dad in Brooklyn that changed everything...
It was one of those parties where Dad went to sit around and play cards with his old army buddies and just complain about how shitty life is. I can still remember the room they were in because it looked like London with all that fog from cigar and pipe smoke! Well, I was hanging out in the backyard and wishing this was one party I didn't have to go to when I see this car pull up in the driveway...
Out steps this beautiful 17-year-old girl driving Daddy's ride, and here I am at 15, just gazing at her thinking I may not wait till 32 to have sex... maybe 30! She comes over to me and from what I remember her father was the one who hosted the party and then she asked me if I wanted to hang out. Sure, why not?
Well, we talked and she leaned over and kissed me... very gently and very lightly on the lips, and I thought... "Hmmm, this ain't so bad..." Until... yes, you already guessed it. Out comes that slithering "anaconda" known as the dreaded tongue! Oh boy, here we go again!
But this time it was different -- much different -- and the pace was much slower. This girl kissed me like she was exploring every part of my mouth very gently. (Unlike the first girl who acted like Indiana Jones and thought my mouth was "The Temple of Doom" and drilling through it!)
I even opened my eyes while she was kissing me to see what it looked like, and although her eyes were closed I thought to myself that this was pretty cool and I was the man! Then she did something I never expected...
She started sucking on my tongue and I went ballistic! I didn't know a kiss could be like this and how I didn't pop a boner at this point is still one of the great mysteries of life. Fifteen years old and getting your tongue sucked? Life couldn't be better!
Why does time seem to fly when you're having fun? The party I didn't want to go to turned into a party I didn't want to end. But here comes Dad outside with his buddy, and here I am in the driveway hanging out with this beautiful Jewish girl! Yes, my very first kiss was not from an Italian girl but a Jewish girl! "Holy Gefilte Fish, Batman!"
My Dad comes up to me and asked if I had a good time, and now feeling invincible, I said "What do you think?" Hey Dad, check this out! I walked over to Lida and gave her one more French kiss in front of my Dad and I thought he was going to say something like "You're the man!" but instead he ran over to me and pried me off this girl, apologized to the host, and said I had a lot of growing up to do.
Of course, getting a smack in the car from Dad right in front of this girl didn't help my macho image either, but when I look back I ask myself if it was well worth it... You bet your ass it was!
So, ya wanna be a rock star??
"Believe in yourself and don't depend on others." So let's turn the clock back in time to when I was a very young, 19-year-old broke musician -- and I mean broke! Like my dear beloved friend who I just lost, Lolly Vegas, I was living out of my car for a couple of months.
I couldn't get along with my step-father who after a few drinks decided to use my face as a punching bag. It was better for me to leave because I was at the point where I was about to hit back. And with all the rage that was inside of me and the countless holes in the walls where my fist went through them, I knew things would only get worse. So I grabbed my bass guitar, threw it in the trunk, and I was on my way. I didn't know where I was going, I only knew I was going...
With about 20 bucks in my pocket and a head full of disillusioned dreams, I set out on my way to find out where I belong in this world. And as of today, I still have no fucking idea where that is, but I'm in a much better place. I guess you really know who your friends are when you're broke and have nowhere to crash for the night.
It seems like everyone of my so-called friends had great excuses of why I couldn't stay with them for just a few days... that's when you know you're on your own. When fear sets in, and your stomach starts growling and you wonder if you made the right desicion to leave. In my case, I did...
And then reality sets in, and I realized that the only person who was going to take care of me was me. I knew at that very early age that I was responsible for myself and only I could change my situation, which I did. While driving around I saw a sign for help wanted at the Holiday Inn in South Plainfield, New Jersey. Ok, how hard could it be answering phones and booking reservations?
I walk in looking pretty refreshed because I had access to the YMCA where I took my 2 showers a day. (I may have been broke and homeless but I never looked that way!) "Hi, I am here to apply for the job," I said. I joked to the manager, "Where's my office?" He said "Right back here..." as he led me to the kitchen.
"I can't cook," I exclaimed, "hey, I burn corn flakes!" and he said, "Not to worry. This is what you'll be doing..." What? A dishwasher? Touching all those disgusting plates that people ate off of?? I am so much better than that. Gross! Hey wait a minute... I got about an 1/8 of a tank of gas left and no more money.
"When do you want me to start?" I said. "Well, you can start right now if you want." "Yes, that would be fine," I said. So as I start this disgusting job, I hear the cooks and other people laughing and singing in the background because it's early December and it's starting to snow, and very heavy. Great! Now I will be freezing in my car at night...
Well, I did freeze that night and woke up to the manager who hired me tapping at my glass window at 6 a.m., wondering if I slept in my car because I was too drunk to drive. "Not exactly," I said. I was honest and explained the situation... and now this dishwashing gig wasn't so bad at all when I had a free room thrown in. Wow, life is looking up for me again...
"Steve, as long as you keep this job, you will have a free room and the cooks will take care of all your food. They like you very much, you know," said the manager. I said, "Thank you very much and I appreciate everything you and the staff have done." Now I can put Plan A into work!
So when my shift was over at 9 p.m., I would run up to my room and take an hour-long shower! Then I would go into the lounge with the new clothes I bought and watch the bands that played there. I concentrated on all the techniques the bass players in these bands were using and I got ideas from everyone.
Now, as a bass player, my style would be using all their techniques along with my own to be a serious ass-kickin' bass player! Every night for hours I would play bass in my room, and with complete quiet and concentration I was getting good... real good!
One night there was an all-black band playing in the lounge and I was watching the bass player slapping and popping the strings, and I was fucking amazed. I stayed around for the whole show and afterwards went over to him and said, "I wish I could play that style." He said, "Well, let me show you how..."
...and man, did I start to master that technique! Well, I am 19 years old and I just bought my first little bass amp to play in my room. About a month later that same band was back and the bass player said, "How is your bass playing coming along?" I said, "It's getting there." So towards the end of the night I don't know whether I wanted to faint or run when he called me onstage to play a song with the band.
But something inside of me said go for it, and I did... Here I was playing center stage in an all-black band with mostly all blacks in the audience, slapping and popping that bass guitar like nobody's business! I finished the song and after hearing the appluase and getting many hugs and pats on the back, I knew this was something I could do.
However nothing prepared me for this. Within 3 months of taking that dishwashing job, I was jamming every night with a different band that played there but this was something even I didn't expect. "Hey Steve, our lead singer is a little hoarse and we were wondering if you could just sing a couple of tunes with us." I said, "You want me to play bass while singing? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
Ok, why not? I just have to not look down at the bass while playing and do my best to sing at the same time. I did just that, and the applause got louder every night until I was asked to replace the lead singer and bass player. "No, that's ok," I said. "I can't sing and I am just happy playing the bass."
Well, it's 4 months now on this dishwashing/music gig and I have enough money saved for an apartment for at least 6 months. I tearfully thanked everyone there for giving me the chance I needed to make something of myself, but it was time for me to move on. Four months after I left that Holiday Inn, I was back there... but not as a dishwasher. I was the lead singer and bass player of a group I put together.
Life is good -- real good! -- and I am making money -- good money! -- for something I love to do. I have a full tank of gas, food in the fridge, and my old friends seem to want to get in touch with me again to see where I am playing. I'm not stupid, I know the deal. I had quite a female following and now my guy friends wanted to hang with me again so they could score. I was born at night, but not last night!
 
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GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS! It's amazing how a piece of "wood" (pardon the pun) and four strings can suddenly get women to pay attention to you. Before I strapped that bass guitar on, I couldn't even get a date with the Bride of Frankenstein. But the minute I walked out on stage with that bass guitar, everyone wanted to be my baby. And by the end of the night, I had the girls lined up near my dressing room, like the Fonz had them lined up next to the jukebox on Happy Days.(Of course, that didn't mean I still didn't play hard to get, and was a virgin until I was 21! But all good things come to those who wait...)
Geez. Where were these great friends of mine when I was sleeping in my car and barely had enough money for a cheeseburger at McDonald's? Oh that's right, they were busy... much too busy for me, as I was for them now! But, my motto has always been "forgive and forget." Even my stepdad stopped drinking permanently and I was back visiting and all was forgotten.
To this day, my stepdad knows how much I love him. Last Christmas, when my sister said he was watching a small, 19-inch color TV, he was quite surprised when there was a knock on his door with two men delivering a 72-inch TV into his living room. Now when he watches his football games, he feels like he is on the field! Forgive and Forget. Life is way too short to live any other way. Believe me, I found out the hard way...
I have been on both sides of the fence... broke, as well as having a nice amount of cash. I am very blessed to be where I am in life right now and the best part about it is not what I can buy, but what I can do for others that I couldn't do before. Money gives you a certain amount of freedom, but with that freedom comes responsibility.
I love to share the things I have with people and help wherever and whenever I can, because I was there, too. I know what it's like to have no money, no friends, no job, and no future. But I also know that every one of us can change that situation if we rely only upon ourselves and not other people. When I stopped believing all the promises other people made to me, that is when I believed in all the promises I made to myself!
"SEVENTY-THOUSAND DOLLARS, WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS OR SOMETHIN'?"
I set goals -- goals I knew I could achieve -- and then set bigger goals. I walked into a very exclusive car dealership not long ago and the uppity staff that worked there stared at me like I didn't belong there, because I didn't seem to fit into their zip code...
Yes, they were all dressed like they were on their way to the Oscars and here I was in a tee shirt and jeans but do you think I gave a fuck? Not at all. After offering me a latte, the salesman said, "Let me show you our certified pre-owned cars." Basically, that means their used cars because he already assumed I could never buy one of their new cars...
I said, "Wait a sec, I want to go to the main showroom where you keep the best cars." He started laughing and said, "Oh no, you don't." I said, "Oh yes, I do!" and we were on our way. Wow, I had never seen these kinds of cars before in person. They were only on calenders I had as a kid...
And that's when I spotted the Jetstream Blue Corvette, fully loaded with every option you could have in a new car, including voice recognition. I sat in the car and looked at the lit up cockpit as if it were a jet fighter pilot's plane and gasped! I was then told it could go slighty over 200mph and that's when I said "Cool Beans." (Whatever the hell that means.) "How much?"
$70,000 before tax and registration. I said, "I could buy a small condo for that!" He said, "You want to test drive it?" "Sure, why not." "Well, we have the same car in the back -- it's not fully loaded like this, but you will know how it drives. Ok, let's go..."
Shit, I put my foot slightly on the pedal and I think I left my nuts on the side of the curb. How can a car have this much power and not be Italian? But sure enough, they had a little track where you could drive and check out the speed and handling and to say I was impressed is an understatement!
"Ok, now that you have had your fun, let me show you the used cars. Would you like a Camry or Prius, or perhaps an SUV?" he said in that condescending voice. I didn't say it but I was thinking, "Ok, would you like my left foot or my right foot up your ass to take that smirk off your fucking face?" I said, "Let's make a deal on the Vette!"
He said, "If you finance this car, it would be for 5 years at almost $1,500 a month, maybe more." I said, "What if I paid cash for it, could we make a deal?" He said, "Which bank do you plan on robbing?" I said, "I haven't decided yet," and he laughed his ass off.
I said, "What is the best price you could give me if by some miracle I could come up with the cash?" He said, "You're serious, aren't you?" I said, "Maybe..." "Ok, well let me talk to my manager." You know, the same old bullshit routine you get when you go to any car dealership.
So the portly manager comes out with that fake Hollywood "Let's do lunch" bullshit smile and says, "How can I help you?" I said, "Well, if your salesman briefed you, you would already know that." He didn't seem to like that comment, and said, "If you could get the full amount for this car you can have it out the door for $60,000.
I said, "What if I could get you the money in a cashier's check in an hour?" He said, "$55,000" as he laughed and went on to help someone else. I said, "That's $55,000 out the door, right?" He said, "Yeah, right, whatever." I said, "See you in an hour!"
Actually, it was more like 45 minutes when I presented the cashier's check to the manager whose face had turned whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost, only he wasn't so friendly and was not going to honor the $15,000 price cut he made me because he thought I was bullshitting about buying the car.
However, the general manager got wind of the whole conversation and two hours later I was driving my new Vette out of the showroom with a savings of 15 grand! As I was driving home I thought about the hungry years and the promises I made to myself. I had come a long way and even though those cocky salesmen had misjudged me, I knew who I was and that was the most important thing.
End of chapter: Believe in yourself, because if you don't, who will? It doesn't matter what others think about you. What is important is how you feel about yourself and what you're capable of. Don't put yourself down -- there's enough people waiting in line to do that for you.
I thank God everyday and night for the blessings He's bestowed upon me. I never forgot where I came from and what I did to get where I am now. Be generous and share, because you can't take it with you. I know if I lost everything tomorrow I have the spirit to rebuild it all. And I will always be thankful to the ones who have guided me along the way. Their wisdom and love goes with me wherever I go.
In order to know where you are going in life, sometimes you meet the right people or the right person and everything seems crystal clear!
When I was 19, I thought I wanted to be a musican and bought a cheap acoustic guitar and bass. A few months later I met an incredibly talented musician by the name of Tom Parella! After hearing him sing and watching how effortlessly he played the guitar, I knew I wanted to be a musician!
We formed a duo called "EDISON VALLEY" and played up and down the east coast and to this day we still keep in touch. When we would play the song "Scarborough Fair," any club at anytime would fall to a deafening silence. What Tom and I basically did was purposely play and sing softer, and that would actually make the crowd get much softer and by the third song everyone was listening to us.
How is this for "Rock Star" treatment?
One rainy day in September we were driving in my old, beat-up Ford van to perform at this club. As fate would have it, the van broke down and we were lucky enough to be close to a phone booth. (Remember those?) Well, I called the club and said we would not be there tonight because we were broke down and stuck in the rain.
Little did I know, the club owner told the people that were already in the club that we needed help. Lo and behold, within 15 minutes we had two taxicabs (paid for by the club patrons) to transport us to the club -- one cab for me and Tom, and the other for all of the musical equipment -- and a tow truck to drag our poor old van to the club, too. Talk about an embarrassing entrance... but when we walked in, everyone applauded us and helped us bring our musical equipment out of the cab and get us set up.
The night was filled with magic, our performance was top notch, and we let the audience know how much we appreciated everything they did for us. I think we played at least an hour of unpaid overtime to show our gratitude. Back in those days, we made about $25 apiece per performance. Now that the gig is done, I am thinking that we will have to use half our pay to get a cab to get home, when all of a sudden one of the guys in the bar walks up to me and says, "Hey Steve, I fixed your van... you're good to go!"
This is just one of the many fantastic memories I have while working with Tom. He turned out to be a great songwriter and is still very active in the music business. I know one day we will play and write together again... His musicianship never ceases to amaze me! He will always be the brother I never had!
Let's fast forward to the 80's and 90's.
Music, Music, and more Music!
Yep, that is me: dead center with my gold record on. Ahh, that hair! Even though I am 100% Italian and Sicilian from New Jersey, I never really looked the part.
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One of the best bands I ever had the privilege to be in: "The Game" |
Check out my bass solo at 1:44! |
The lights, the harmonies, and my friend who went on all too soon, Jack Young (standing above me in the picture). He will always be with me and I am glad I got to tell him how much he meant to me.
Rockin' in the 80's
Here I am with my famous cup of Pepsi, I know this sounds strange being in a band and all, but to this day, I have never had a drink or drug of any kind. Left to right: Nic, Rich, Jack, and Steve
Oh my God! Don Johnson anyone? Or perhaps I was in my "Duran Duran" phase!
Well, now it is 1993 and I am so sick of gigging from one band to the next and going on tour with bands and being miles from home all the time so I said, "That's it, I am going do something else... no more music, I'm done, history, I'm outta here!"
And then the phone rings the next day and my life kinda changed forever...........
In the studio with Phil Collins
Hey, you mean all a studio musician does is go into a studio in New York or LA and just lay down tracks? No touring? I don't have to leave my dog for more then a few days? How much did you say you're going to pay me? I am working with who?
Wow! I think I will be a musician again!!!
So now I thought I was where I wanted to be. Opening up for major acts and hob-nobbing in and out of the studio with some of the major acts but still... something was missing...
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| Steve's first "reality show:" the cameras from the recording studio followed Steve for 3 days straight (even at home!) during the process of recording "Through Open Eyes." |
I even did a commercial in Canada for Diet Pepsi and thought hmmm, maybe I should give acting a shot...
No...Let me stick to what I do best, hell, I ain't no actor!
One of my favorite groups of the 70's I got to open up for a few times was "America!" Tin Man, Horse with No Name, Sister Golden Hair, and Ventura Highway, just to name a few.
And to be able to sing with these guys was beyond thrilling!
"Are you Stephen Taylor, or are you Stephen Pisani?
Well actually, I'm both. When my father had lost faith in me as a musician, one day a comment was made that I was "no son of his." We had never really had a very close relationship... so from then on, in my musical career, everyone came to know me as Stephen Matthew Taylor (Matthew being my confirmation name).
However, the day before I left for California, I went and visited my father, and we spent hours together. I hugged him, told him I loved him, and he told me he loved me too. The next day, I left "Stephen Taylor" in New Jersey, and ended my cross-country trip in California as Stephen Pisani once again.
If you're only as good as your last review, then I must have been really good!! This was the first concert I ever did that featured only my original songs, and everyone I had ever known in my life was there -- including my friend Darrell, who shocked me by getting up and saying all of these unexpected yet wonderful things.
Wow... I'm gonna be on national TV... FOR REAL!
Bloomfield, New Jersey. Just another concert. "What a second, you didn't say anything about opening up for Frankie Valli... with 15,000 people in the audience??"
May 1998
So here I am making tons of cash, living in New York City, buying the best of everything and then I realized something...
I actually hated the person I became.
All my life I was pushed to believe that the only way a man could be successful was to have a lot of money! Man, was I wrong! I had everything a man could want or ever ask for except for one thing, the thing that to this day has always eluded me... Happiness. And after two failed suicide attempts, I knew something had to change....
Life can be funny sometimes and as I get older I realize the things I want are not really the things I need.
So now it is 1998, I released my first CD with my own original works and I hear it being played on the local and college radio stations.
I start playing all the dives in the Village and on Bleecker Street from Kenny's Castaways to The Bottom Line. As I am playing, I see all the pictures on the wall of the people that played here years before I did. Everyone from Billy Joel to Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel, and it seems the list was endless.
Now I am starting to get burnt out big time with studio sessions all day and playing the club scene at night.
They say the strangest things happen in New York City and believe me, that's an understatement! As I was leaving a gig in the village, it was about 3 a.m. Any musician who plays in the Village or the City knows that you usually don't even start the gig till at least 11 p.m.
So I am walking to my car with my acoustic guitar and feeling pretty good about the way the gig went and it seemed like it was taking forever to find my car. New York City blocks go on forever, but here I am about 100 feet from my car when all of a sudden I start to get a very uneasy feeling.
Now it is true that Greenwich Village is a pretty safe place at night, but as anyone knows, anything can happen at any time. So I start walking a little faster because I am thinking at this point I am going to get rolled, and goodbye acoustic guitar!
I am starting to realize that whatever is right behind me will have to do something soon because I can actually feel someone breathing close to the back of my neck. Very creepy and now I am in flight or fight mode. As I turn around very quickly to confront this person, I could not believe my eyes.....
It was a llama! Yes, you read right... a freakin' llama.
This guy was walking his pet llama in the Village at 3 a.m.
Apparently it liked the cologne I was wearing, or it thought I was cute, considering the guy told me that he was a she!
I said to him, "I thought I was about to get mugged, and now here I am on Wild Kingdom!" He told me many people have exotic animals that live in New York, and boy, was he right. I had gone to the library the next day thinking that he might be slightly exaggerating, until I read about a guy keeping an alligator in his apartment and another person keeping a tame tiger!
Truth is stranger than fiction, and if you look it up you will see how many people get arrested each year for owning pets from rattlesnakes to huge pythons!
Yes, New York is a very exciting but strange place!
Next Chapter
So now it is June of '98, and I am in a dead end relationship with a girl I was living with for all the wrong reasons. It mainly was a physical relationship, but we all know even the best lovemaking has to end sometime and then you need this thing called substance.
It was great while it lasted, but I realized I needed something more because afterwards I just felt very alone, even when she was in the same room with me. Here I was living a lie and thinking things will change, but I knew deep in my heart that the only way things change is if... "You change them yourself."
So now we both agree we were better off as friends, but after we stopped seeing each other we were never friends again.
Ok, I am back to being single, making roughly about 4 grand a week, going to the Woodbridge Shopping Mall and buying all things I have no use for except to make the statement that I am able to.
I started to become everything I despised in a person and now I was becoming that person.
I completely lost touch with who I was and why I got into the music business to begin with. Everything in my life revolved around money, women, and buying the latest gadgets to show off to people that I didn't even like in the first place.
Time to see the shrink! I was told I am bipolar or as they like to say, manic-depressive! I said, "How the hell could I be depressed when I have everything I could ever want right now?"
The doc said, "Steve... are you happy?"
I skirted the issue for about five minutes and he kept coming back to that same question... "Are you happy?"
I said loudly, "No! I am not!"
He said, "When was the last time you remember being happy?"
I thought about that for a while and I said, "I honestly don't remember."
Right then and there it hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized just how far gone I was.
He wanted to put me on everything from Prozac to lithium, but I said no!
The doctor said one last thing as I was leaving...
He said, "If you are not going to take any meds, then you need a change of scenery. You need to get away from everything that is familiar to you."
I said, "Sure... I will just leave tomorrow," and walked out the door.
Of course I didn't leave... thinking I knew better than the doctor, and thought that I could make my depression just go away. Well, one night while I was driving along the Jersey coast I decided the world was better off without me. I had a 1974 yellow Dodge Challenger and all I kept thinking was about this movie called "Vanishing Point." I figured if I was going to go out it would look like a total accident and no one would ever know the pain I was in. What a totally selfish thing to do, but sometimes it is very hard to see the forest through the trees.
The last thing I remember is heading off the road and then the paramedics waking me up.
I don't know how I did not get one scratch on me, because as you know this car did not have air bags -- they weren't even invented back in '74.
Call it Divine intervention or whatever you will, but the point is that I survived for a reason... although to this day I still don't know what that is.
The car was totaled and I was all right (which made even less sense to me) but I made a promise to the man upstairs that I would never do anything like that again and that I was very sorry.
One week later, I went into church, got my blessings from Father O'Malley, rented a Nissan Pathfinder and a U-Haul trailer, took with me my guitars, keyboards, and of course the love of my life (my Great Dane Comet) who seemed to be as happy to leave as I was.
Next Stop: Hollywood California!
Yes, I had finally left my comfort zone and started a brand new life........
I am driving alone, cross-country with my Great Dane and every mile I put between me and New Jersey will finally put an end to the pain I am in. I feel like a rock has been lifted from my chest as I see the California border!
Here I am in Sunny California, and everything is going to be perfect right?
Wrong...
I am running out of money fast, there are way too many actors in this town and not enough work, and I just paid $1,200 to be in the Screen Actors Guild. No girlfriend, no family, and my pride won't let me turn around and go back home. The rent is due, I am living on Mac and Cheese, and I see no way out of this situation...
Then the phone rings. It's a call from "Paramount Pictures" .......... To be Continued......
"Hello... yes, this is Stephen.
"Ok, I will be there tomorrow..." Hmmmm, Melrose Avenue.
Did she just say Paramount Pictures?
What the hell is a "Thomas Guide" anyway?
Ok, here I am, now where do I go on this huge lot?
Wow! Everything on the set of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" looks so real. I can't believe all this stuff is not made of metal!
And as I am going through the station's corridors I felt a hand on the back of my shoulders and a man saying in a very distinctive voice...
"Welcome to Plywood City."
I didn't need an introduction as I immediately recognized his voice and there I was hugging Avery Brooks, "Captain Sisko," and that was the start of me playing all kinds of aliens and doing some of my very first stunts on "Deep Space Nine".
This picture came directly from an article about the Makeup of Star Trek in the Smithsonian Magazine.
I got my "nose job" from master makeup effects artist Michael Westmore, who did the makeup for everything from "The Munsters" to "Rocky!"
Here I am, 3000 miles away from home, sitting in the Captain's chair of the Defiant on "Deep Space Nine." What a rush!
That lasted for a couple of years. As "Deep Space Nine" was coming to a close (yes, I was on the very last episode), I figured it was time to look for some more work as I was going to be out of a job real soon. Then, I was told that Merri Howard (Executive Producer) wanted to see me and I always get nervous when dealing the "Big Brass."
Tom in wardrobe, ok, got it.
Man, I need a map just to get around this lot!
Ok, here I am. You want me to try this on?
Ok, this isn't really happening to me.
Wait, I am no longer going to be playing aliens, you're gonna see my face, and Paramount is making me a cast crewmember?
I am going to be a Starfleet officer? NO Way?!?
Yes way!!!
Here I was trying on my first uniform for the very first time! This pic was taken right in the dressing room of "Star Trek: Voyager!"
And now they made me cut my hair a little shorter, and this was taken right before my very first appearance on "Star Trek: Voyager!"
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Watch me get double-teamed at 0:12, and then dropped oh-so-gently on the transporter pad at 0:28!
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A compilation of clips from episodes where you can see me: Q2, Homestead, and Flesh & Blood (trailer)
I was on the set of Star Trek Voyager and Deep Space Nine years before those shows were even dreamed of.
My Dad, Remo Pisani, was the bartender on Bonanza from 1968 to 1970. He took me on the set with him at Paramount and Dan Blocker (Hoss), was the kindest person you could ever meet in your life...
The one story about human kindness that always sticks out in my mind was meeting Dan Blocker for the first time. Here was I, this little boy barely six years old, and in walks this towering Gentle Giant named "Hoss!"
Dan Blocker
Everyone was on break and Dan came up to my father and said "Remo, I need to talk to you..."
He said, "I just found out a few minutes ago that today is your birthday, and I am sorry I didn't know sooner." My Dad said, "That's ok, it's the thought that counts..."
Dan then said, "You're right Remo, and this is what I think of you," as he took off this watch he was wearing with the biggest diamonds and gold on it I have ever seen in my life. He put the watch on my father's wrist, hugged him and said "Happy birthday!"
He then picked me up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug and I think that was the highest elevation I had ever been at. I didn't want him to put me down as I thought I could see for miles!
I called my Dad from that exact set location 30 years later on my first day of "Deep Space Nine" and said, "Dad, do you remember taking me on the set of Bonanza with you"... he paused for a second, I felt a tear in my eye and he said... "I still have the watch."
Here is a picture of my Dad and Jack Lemmon from a few movies they did, and Sammy Davis Jr. from a Broadway play.
Ok Mom, let me get this straight... You are 9 years old, playing guitar, and then Babe Ruth walks in the studio to say hi?
Well, here we go... This is my mom playing the guitar at 9 with my two aunts -- check out the harmony blend as kids! My mom and my aunts start their song at exactly 5:15 into the clip. Right before then, the narrator says they are the proteges of the "Great Bambino!"
My mom and aunts, the DeMarco Sisters, performed on the Ed Sullivan show 26 times, more than any other act. My mother, Anne, is the one on the end, on the far right. The sisters started performing when the oldest three were 8, 6, and 4.
As you can see they're doing a perfect five-part harmony, with just a boom mike overhead. No digital mixing in the studio, and as you know Ed Sullivan was live TV at its best. None of the five could read a note of music! (I'm the same way.)
Appearance on "What's My Line?"
They went on to do solo projects in the 60's and 70's and they have a brand new CD that was released last year.
Here they are opening up for Frank Sinatra!
Frank said he wanted the two greatest acts to open up for him when he went on tour. He said, "I want a comedian and the best vocal harmony group out there." He chose The Demarco Sisters and Joey Bishop!
I can remember as a little boy going downstairs in the middle of the night and seeing my Mom playing cards with Jerry Lewis, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jackie Gleason, and so forth. But it was no big deal to me as a kid because I just thought of them as my extended family.
This is their most recent CD I found on Amazon!
The DeMarco Sisters: "It's Been a Long, Long Time"
And this is the MGM movie they did with Esther Williams. It was called "Skirts Ahoy!"
This is also where my Aunt Arlene met my Uncle Keefe Brasselle and they got married after this movie was made.
He had his own variety show in 1964 called "The Keefe Brasselle Variety Hour." His biggest role in a movie was The Eddie Cantor Story -- he played Eddie Cantor.
Here is the promo from Warner Bros Pictures! Just click here and you will see what an amazing job my uncle did playing Eddie Cantor: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi814481689/
(Did you see Jimmy Durante playing the piano in the background?)
Now we go to my Uncle Murray!
My Uncle Murray Hamilton was even praised by Steven Spielberg on the "Jaws" 25th Anniversary Edition.
Spielberg: "I have always been a fan of Murray Hamilton's ever since I saw him in the FBI story with Jimmy Stewart. I auditioned everyone else but him, as I knew how bad I wanted him as the mayor in Jaws."
Wow! That came from Spielberg himself and you can actually watch him saying it on camera when you access the special features on the DVD.
My uncle was in hundreds of films and TV episodes and was a great actor. He also had the lead role as Mr. Robinson in the classic movie The Graduate.
So yes, when you hear the Simon and Garfunkel song... "And here's to you Mrs. Robinson," I can say I am the nephew of Mr. Robinson....FOR REAL!
Yes, I even served my country at 17 years old and I was in a very elite unit: the 101st Airborne Division, Ft. Campbell, Kentucky.
Doing my 5 cherry jumps at Ft. Benning, Georgia was a lot of fun. I wasn't worried about jumping out of a plane, I was worried about the landing!
Coming home after basic training, I just wanted to rest, but my mom had one of her friends over and all I got was insulted!!!
Today, Jan 9th 2009, will be the most difficult day to get by as this is the part of the book where I write about losing both of my parents within three weeks of each other in 2004.
How could God do this to me?
I prayed and prayed, sent monies into the televangelists, continued to keep going to church as I always had but felt so betrayed....
The next chapter tells how I ran to God instead of from Him.
I believe there is a reason for everything...
Notes for book chapter 3
Was I the only one who felt that way?
I was in my car listening to the news and started crying.
How could I cry for someone I never knew? Someone I never met before...
Why did I feel such a loss and anger at the same time?
It was February 4th 1983. The last time I felt this type of loss was December 8th, 1980!
I took this picture of John about 6 months before his death.
My Uncle Murray lived at the Dakota also and would speak to John all the time. No security around John whatsoever, and he would always stop with Yoko and be happy to give you a pic. All he wanted was to be treated like was a regular New Yorker.
But here I was saying to myself, "This must be a mistake. Let me change the stations and then I will know that this is just a rumor."
Well, as I listened to each broadcast, my stomach felt sicker and then the reality set in.
Yes, Karen Carpenter died at the age of 33.
As I was driving back home, all the stations were playing the Carpenters' greatest hits, which made things even worse. I grew up with this group and loved their harmonies and songs. Now I have to break this to my Mom who had more of their albums than I did.
I put the TV on when I came home and saw a look on Richard Carpenter's face that I will never forget. It was a look of total loss and devastation as I know how close he was to his sister.
My sister and I are that close and she even sent me this pic a few years ago of us together in the tub. The caption read: "Whenever you're in hot water, I'll be there beside you."
My sister Lisa Brandi and me
Someone saved my life tonight.....
Yes, that was a big hit record for Elton John but a reality for me.
Chapter 8 out of 10.
Losing both my parents within 3 weeks of each other and I'm so close to joining them...
January, 2004
My Mom is taken to Rahway Hospital because she has a bad cold.
She is to be there for a couple of days just so the doctors can check her out.
It has now been 3 months later and she sounds fine on the phone but she is still there so I hop a flight to Newark Airport and see her.
I walk into the hospital room and there is something very different about her. She seemed very happy to see me but it was like it took her a while to even recognize me. She wasn't really eating much but she said she felt fine and for me not to worry.
I stayed with her for about 4 more days and called to see how she was doing... She was doing better, "much better" the doctor had said, but little did I know this was only the beginning of a lie.
My mother had contracted sepsis, which she caught in the hospital and was dying, only no one would tell me this.
My sister Lisa flies in to see my Mom and stays with her, and I tell her I will be coming home too, and she tells me not to.
She said I would not even recognize this person as being my mother because of her depleted physical condition.
I said, "What can we do? What did the doctors say?"
My sister paused for a second, started crying and said, "The doctors said there's no hope!"
I said, "I am coming anyway," and my sister said, "Don't Stephen, Mommy would not want you to see her this way."
"What are you talking about," I said, "you act like she already died," and my sister said as calmly as she could, "It's only a matter of time..."
I hung up the phone and screamed louder than I ever did in my life!
Nice one God!
Didn't see that one coming!
You give me the strength to be a stuntman and risk my life, and you give me the talent to rock 50,000 people.
Why would you take from me the one person I needed the most?
No answer... I never really get an answer when I talk to God.
Then the scenarios play over and over in my head... and all the "what if's" come into play.
My sister asked me what was the last thing I remember Mommy doing when I saw her last.
I said she gave me the sign of the cross as I was leaving the hospital and about to catch my flight.
Then my sister said... "That is how you are going to remember seeing Mommy for the last time."
With that, I hung up the phone and never felt so alone as I did that second.
July 27th
The funeral was short and sweet and the church was full of people that my Mom knew from years past or the girls she went to Bingo with.
The only person who wasn't at the funeral was me.
Given the condition I was in, there was no way I could face the reality of my Mother being buried. I said to myself, "Well... at least I have my Dad and we can console each other and be there for the painful days ahead."
Wrong again!
Almost three weeks to the day, my father passed away suddenly without any warning.
Thanks again Lord!
I can see how much you really care about me.
Hey God, I got an idea! Why don't you just make it three?!
Go ahead, you're the man, just take me too!
Better yet, I'll do your F'N job for you!
So with all the anger and rage I never knew I had in me, I proceeded to open the garage door, close it behind me, jump in my vehicle and turn the key!
As I was sitting in the car with the engine running I felt very justified as to what I was doing.
Now I am starting to get just a little sleepy and am hoping no one has seen me in the garage.
So I look out my rearview mirror, and lo and behold I see my Great Dane standing on his hind legs looking through the glass of the garage door almost as if he knows what I am doing.
He was the one gift from God I completely forgot about...
This dog, who was like a son to me, was all I had left and if I were to die, who would take care of him?
So like the song, "Someone saved my life tonight," God did send someone, and that someone had four paws...
I immediately shut off the ignition and went in the house and stayed there for almost 3 months. If I got hungry, I had the food delivered, but I completely shut myself off from the world.
Now the holidays were here and I made myself a promise. I would make myself go back out into the world and ask God to forgive me.
I just asked God for one small favor...
I said, "If you could, and I know you can, just let me see my Mom in my dreams and my Dad too! At least promise me that!"
Guess what?
God keeps his promises!
Last Chapter....
I look at life a lot differently now then I did before I started writing this book. The years seem to go by so much quicker than they did when I was younger. Yes, I miss my family and friends who have gone on before me, but I have also learned some very valuable lessons in life.
It took me almost 40 years to understand this but these are the things I need to share with you. The 2 stories I will never forget...
1. So here I am at services one Sunday morning and the rain just doesn't want to stop. Everyone is in a bad mood and half-listening to what the preacher had to say.
About half-way through the service, there was a man a few pews up from me sound asleep and snoring louder than Homer Simpson! The man was snoring so loud that most of the people around him starting laughing. Well, that woke the man up real fast and he was pissed.
Even the Preacher had a smile on his face, which didn't last too long when the angry old man stood up and said, "This is garbage, I have better things to do with my life than waste it in here."
Wow, the room went completely silent and you could hear a pin drop!
The man, now angrier than ever, shook his fist at the Preacher and said, "Hey, I can prove there is no God! I dare him to strike me dead in 10 seconds and I will start counting right now."
As the man was counting out loud, everyone was in their seats, shocked at what was happening.
When he hit the number 10, he said to the Preacher, "There ya go... I just proved to you there is no God!"
The Preacher walked down from the pulpit very sympathetic and said, "My son, the only thing you proved today is how patient God really is."
Not knowing what to say the man just sat right back down till the end of the service.
2. This was very hard for me to come to terms with, but there is no denying the rules of the game...
Do you realize that you and I, and everyone else on this planet owns nothing?
I said to myself, "Wait a second, Steve, you're really off base on this one"... but I wasn't. As a matter of fact, for the first time in my life, I accepted the reality of the situation. I kept going back and forth with my theory and the end result was always the same.
"Wait a second," I said, "I own my cars, I have the pink slips to prove it. I am in debt to no one and own everything outright... Correct???"
Wrong!
I don't even own the shirt on my back! I am just renting these things for what ever time I have left on this planet.
Fight as I will, there is no getting around it. We are all on a certain time-line, of which no one knows when they will be leaving. I now see this earthly life as a temporary rest stop as this is only the beginning....
Realizing the less materialistic I become, the happier I am. I barely owned anything as a kid but I sure had a good time just hanging out with friends and family. Somewhere in my life, I lost those things that were really important to me, but I seem to be getting back on track!
I guess the greatest wake-up call I got was when I talked with my Pastor and these were his words...
He said "Stephen, there are people in life who get everything they ever wanted. The mansion, the cars, the yachts, the bank accounts and all the coolest toys you could ever own... But they only have them for a short time."
I said, "What do you mean? They can keep those things forever..."
He looked at me and shook his head and said these words I will never forget...
"They keep these things forever? Let me ask you something, Stephen:
"When was the last time you saw a U-Haul riding behind a hearse?"
Now my goals have changed, and I'm a better person for it.
I have become more of a giver, rather than a taker. A better listener, and realize I don't always have to have the last word.
When someone gets me upset I will watch what I say to them, as they may not be around tomorrow....
Yes, it took me 40 years of my life to become this person, but the point is I became this person, and have a lot of catching up to do...
Love has to come from within because if I don't love myself, how can I love someone else?
I know Mom and Dad will always be with me no matter where I go in life.
Anne DeMarco Rose and Remo Pisani
Thank you all for reading and letting me share my life with you and although and this is my final entry,
The Journey has just begun...
